The annual
NFL ProBowl was televised Sunday afternoon, from Hawaii, and this year, for a change, I taped it and watched it later. Most years I completely forget about it and don't much care when I remember the next day, and after watching this one I might have to make that my permanent policy. Ugly, sloppy, boring game. Thank Dog I had it on tape to watch in an hour, while eating reheated turkey meatloaf with stuffing and some tuna salad on Ritz for a chaser. All with a glass of fine Syrah, oddly enough.
As the lead says, boring though the game was, I did learn a few things by watching, most courtesy of the ESPN football announcing team of Mike Patrick, Joe Theisman, and Paul Maguire.
1) Every single player on the Pro Bowl squad is a great guy whose teammates love him and who is active in his community.
2) Every single player in the Pro Bowl is due to have an even better season next year, and is committed this off season to giving 110% towards improving himself as a player. Including Michael Vick. Especially Michael Vick. Who is actually an excellent passer, or at least far better than "they give him credit for."
3) Every team in the league is going to improve next year thanks to their new players and great new coaching staff with their new, winning attitude.
4) The NFL is the single greatest sporting league in the history of mankind, and an estimated 99% of league profits are donated to helping widows, orphans, amputees, and war veterans.
5) A simple zone defense can be quite effective when every single guy in coverage is fast and alert, the offenses have no desire to run the ball, and the QBs and receivers have never played together before.
6) Payton Manning does not care for wet footballs, and is not limited to blaming human beings, or even organic life forms, for his failures.
7) Steve McNair + shotgun = good idea. (Or at least better than Steve McNair + snap directly from center.)
7.5) Dick Cheney + shotgun =
duck and cover.
8) That whole
Al Michaels traded for Mickey Mouse's bastard cousin, or whatever the hell all those news stories I've been ignoring for the past week are about, is a good thing, if it will keep the current ESPN football crew from continuing to work together. Because their mouth words made my brain ache. Most NFL games I hardly hear the announcers, since I'm fast forwarding over all the dead time. But on the Pro Bowl coverage, since no one really cares who wins, the announcers talked about irrelevant bullshit not just between plays, but during them as well. I'm sort of figuring the changes in TV packages and Al Michaels in the news means that this announcing crew is going to be out of work next season, and that they wanted to be sure they praised every single individual in or even remotely connected to the NFL, just to help their chances for finding future football-related employment.
The best thing about the game? That neither Jerome Bettis nor Donovan McNabb was in it, since that kept their attention whore mothers and assorted fat, jersey-wearing entourages from dominating the crowd footage. Also, I was pleased that the players didn't spend the entire 4th quarter wandering around the sidelines with their incomprehending infant children on their shoulders, as used to happen in these sorts of exhibition games.
Tune in next February for more Lessons from the ProBowl, with your host, Fluxy "There went 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back" Flux.
