I once referenced the female "wiggle the pinkie" gesture as about the most cutting insult a young male could endure. Apparently that expression isn't as ubiquitous as I thought, since I heard from some readers who didn't know what it meant. They must not have been Australians, since there's an ongoing public safety campaign in New South Wales
utilizing just that gesture in an effort to shame young men into not driving like... young men. Recklessly, in other words.
The commercial is on their website, and as you can see, I found it amusing enough to warrant snapping a shot from a pivotal moment.
Lest you think the gesture is meaningless, here's some
news to argue otherwise.
...when a woman wiggled her finger at Simon Jardak as he drove along a road in Sydney three months ago, he saw red.
Instead of shame-facedly taking his foot off the pedal and slowing to a sedate pace, he hurled a bottle at the woman through the window of his car.
"She started doing that hand gesture, you know, the RTA one," Mr Jardak told a Sydney court.
"And it offended me... because of, you know, she implied I had a small penis."
I don't quite know what to say about the guy's explanation/defense, but there's something captivating about getting idiots of the white trash Jerry Springer Show type in courtrooms, where they've got to stand up straight, speak like adults, justify their actions, and face someone brighter than them who will take great delight in calling them on their half-assed lies. The stupid but cunning ones try to lie and dig the hole deeper. The less bright ones are somewhat more interesting, since they're not smart enough to lie, so they just deer-in-the-headlights and blurt out words you absolutely can not predict in advance. They might blame aliens, or say that they're not responsible for the most outlandish reasons, or sometimes, mostly surprisingly of all, they're startled into honesty. When they are it's kind of "wisdom from the mouths of babes," since they can deliver insights far beyond what you'd think them capable of. Not that these insights are necessarily enhancing, so to speak, of their character.
You see it in action on most of the
spoiled teenagers on Judge Judy, where the honest ones speak for 30 seconds and get cut off, while she gives the cunning liars plenty of slack to hang themselves with. It's remarkable how much insight you can get into a person's character just observing them speak for a few minutes, while they're under questioning and can't retreat to whatever their comfort zone of conversation or attitude is.
I suppose Mr. Shrimpy in this case thought he was offering a defense for his actions. It probably worked on his friends, who were like, "That bitch deserved it for dis'ing you like that!" but in the real world, with a judge, it's a confession. "She made a mocking gesture so I assaulted her." isn't exactly what a lawyer would advise saying under those circumstances.
The funny part is that he leaves the impression he's still legitimately upset by the pinkie wiggling. He could care less about being fined and getting a criminal record; how dare she insinuate that his adolescent, tire-screeching, compensating behavior might stem from manhood issues?! I'm almost surprised they guy didn't try to call his urologist as a witness, to testify that his penis does not, in fact, fall substantially below the standard dimensions.
This case aside, I highly recommend this gesture to my female readers, though like any good weapon, it must be used selectively. You can't just walk up to a guy and throw it in; you've got to let him do something stupid first, ideally in an attempt to impress. I hardly need to remind any females of the fragility of the male ego. This gesture, when deployed effectively, will cut most any guy to the quick, especially if he's young and/or less than Ron Jeremy-esque. Just be sure you don't overdo it, lest the pinkie becomes just another version of "fuck you," or a middle finger that no longer serves to insult anymore thanks to its ubiquity.
Labels: criminals, judge judy, penis issues