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BlackChampagne Home Buy Crap! I get 5%. Direct donations to cover hosting expenses are also accepted. Site Information --What is Black Champagne? --Cast of Characters & Things --Your First Time. --Design Notes --Quote of the Day Archive --Phrase of the Moment Archive --Site Feedback --Contact/Copyright Info Blog Archives --Blogger Archives: June 2005- --Old Monthly Archives: Jan 2002-May 2005 Reviews Section Movie Reviews (153) Ten Most Recent Film Reviews: --Infernal Affairs -- 5.5 --The Protector/Tom Yum Goong -- 6 --The Limey -- 8 --The Descent -- 6 --Oldboy -- 9.5 --Shaolin Deadly Kicks -- 7 --Mission Impossible III -- 7.5 --V for Vendetta -- 8.5 --Ghost in the Shell 2 -- 8 --Night Watch -- 7.5 Book Reviews (76) Five Most Recent Book Reviews: --Cat People -- 4 --Attack Poodles -- 5 --Caught Stealing -- 6 --The Dirt, by Motley Crue -- 7.5 --Harry Potter #6 -- 7 Photos Section --Flux Photos --Pet Photos (7 pages) --Home Decor Photos --Plant Photos --Vacation Photos (12 pages) Articles See all 234 articles here. Fiction Original horror and fantasy short stories. Mail Bags Index Page Features --Links --Slang: Internet --Slang: Dirty --Slang: Wankisms --Slang: Sex Acts --Slang: Fulldeckisms --Hot or Not? --Truths in Advertising Band Name Ratings (350 Rock Bands Listed) FAQ -- Feedback A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z Hellgate: London --The Unofficial HGL Site --The Hellgate Wiki Diablo II --The Unofficial Site --Flux's Decahedron --Middle Earth Mod
	BlackChampagne -- no longer new; improvement also in question.: Vampires on Film. Monday, January 23, 2006 Vampires on Film. Much to most everyone's surprise, Underworld: Evolution, the sequel to the rather lame 2003 film (which I exhaustively reviewed, giving it an overall 4 and a 10 on missed opportunities), had a huge opening weekend. The film made $27m, miles ahead of the $10m second place Hoodwinked took in. This despite horrible reviews, and not very many of them, since the studio wisely hid it from critics by not offering any advance screenings. The film is not any good, as evidenced by the 21% on Rotten Tomatoes, a figure based on just 33 reviews. (Compare that to another film that opened this weekend, The New World, which has 115 reviews, 54% of which are positive. It's dismal $5m, 8th place opening also provides further evidence that no one gives a shit about Christopher Columbus movies, a lesson Hollywood simply refuses to learn.) Underworld is at 38% approval on Metacritic, a score derived by averaging the 15 major critic reviews available online. So what did Underworld 2 do that Bloodrayne didn't? Bloodrayne is another recent video game-style film about a hot female vampire, but it's earned a wretched $2.5m in the 3 weeks since it opened, a figure bolstered by the impressive $18k it took in this weekend. Yes, I mean K, not M. Eighteen thousand dollars. The film makers could probably have done better picking up spare change and soda cans from 7/11 parking lots. Aeon Flux is another one to consider/compare, since it's sci fi and stars a hot female in ~~small~~ tight black clothing. In six weeks it's earned back $29m of the $62m+ it cost to make, and will have to scratch for profitability overseas, since it's done in the US, finishing in 38th place this weekend. All 3 movies sucked, all 3 have female leads, all are scifi/fantasy type settings, and yet only Underworld 2 made money. Aeon Flux had a bigger budget and plenty of promotion too. It's easy to see Bloodrayne's problems. They begin with Uwe Boll and extend to the script. Whoever got the bright idea to take the video game vampire vixen and stick her in big skirts in a faux-midevial story clearly made a pretty horrible choice, when you see how relatively well the two Underworld films have done with contemporary settings and gun violence. Given that the the first Bloodrayne game was set in WW2, with her killing Nazis, and the sequel was set in the modern day (I think) the movie's medieval choice is all the more puzzling. And clearly, Aeon Flux should have spent more time in sewers, and been able to fly and suck blood. As you've probably guessed by now, Malaya and me didn't get out to see Underworld 2, and I don't think we're likely to do so this week either. We've never had any desire to see the first one again, even when it was on free TV last week, as part of the promotion for the sequel, so we're unlikely to pay $9.25 and 2 hours we'll never get back to sit through more of the same. Posted by: Flux # 4:09 PM Comments: I guess I'll be the one to point out that The New World is about John Smith and Pocahontas, not Columbus. Not that this really changes your point much. #: 7:55 PM posted by Anonymous "Whoever got the bright idea to take the video game vampire vixen and stick her in big skirts in a faux-midevial story clearly made a pretty horrible choice". I think more correctly it is "whoever got the bright idea to ever let Uwe Boll direct another movie clearly made a pretty horrible choice". His %s on rotten tomatoes for his 4 movies so far are 13%, 6%, 1% and now 8% for bloodrayne. I guess they couldn't get any lower than 1% and had to go higher again. #: 8:52 PM posted by Anonymous To make it worse, this is the guy that is reading the Metal Gear Solid script right now... He must be stopped. Bloodrayne actually had a fairly decent story in the two games, both of which I kind of enjoyed. They take place over a 70 year span, and all she is trying to do is eradicate all of her siblings. I mean, it's not much, but it seems like Uwe Boll just said "Well, let's throw some jugs in there...and violence...how about a sex scene? Hmm, this looks pretty good. The only thing that could make this better were if I casted Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez!" #: 9:02 PM posted by Anonymous Post a Comment << Home Archives May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2012

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