BlackChampagne.com -- No longer new; improvement also in question.

BlackChampagne Home Buy Crap! I get 5%. Direct donations to cover hosting expenses are also accepted. Site Information --What is Black Champagne? --Cast of Characters & Things --Your First Time. --Design Notes --Quote of the Day Archive --Phrase of the Moment Archive --Site Feedback --Contact/Copyright Info Blog Archives --Blogger Archives: June 2005- --Old Monthly Archives: Jan 2002-May 2005 Reviews Section Movie Reviews (153) Ten Most Recent Film Reviews: --Infernal Affairs -- 5.5 --The Protector/Tom Yum Goong -- 6 --The Limey -- 8 --The Descent -- 6 --Oldboy -- 9.5 --Shaolin Deadly Kicks -- 7 --Mission Impossible III -- 7.5 --V for Vendetta -- 8.5 --Ghost in the Shell 2 -- 8 --Night Watch -- 7.5 Book Reviews (76) Five Most Recent Book Reviews: --Cat People -- 4 --Attack Poodles -- 5 --Caught Stealing -- 6 --The Dirt, by Motley Crue -- 7.5 --Harry Potter #6 -- 7 Photos Section --Flux Photos --Pet Photos (7 pages) --Home Decor Photos --Plant Photos --Vacation Photos (12 pages) Articles See all 234 articles here. Fiction Original horror and fantasy short stories. Mail Bags Index Page Features --Links --Slang: Internet --Slang: Dirty --Slang: Wankisms --Slang: Sex Acts --Slang: Fulldeckisms --Hot or Not? --Truths in Advertising Band Name Ratings (350 Rock Bands Listed) FAQ -- Feedback A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z Hellgate: London --The Unofficial HGL Site --The Hellgate Wiki Diablo II --The Unofficial Site --Flux's Decahedron --Middle Earth Mod
	BlackChampagne -- no longer new; improvement also in question.: Almost done... Saturday, May 27, 2006 Almost done... Editing and reviewing the last chapter of my novel, written in haste just before I left for E3 some weeks ago, I enjoyed this little exchange and thought I'd quote it. The names have been changed to keep it from being spoilery; not that I believe any of you would remember it a year or three from now, when the novel is published and you get to read the whole thing. "Why am I alive?" Mary asked herself, as the bells filled her head and the bright light of day came crashing down as the grove appeared around her. At least she'd meant to ask herself, but when John turned and looked at her she realized her lips had betrayed her. "You live for vengeance, Little One. As did your mother before you." "Will I die for it as well? As did my mother before me?" John shrugged. "There are worse things to die for." Cool? Or trying to hard to be cool and therefore only appealing to younger readers? Not that anyone can really say, reading it totally out of context like this. I like the dialogue, though that descriptive sentence at the start needs some tweaking. I don't like saying "as the" twice in a row like that. At any rate, it's not horrible, and I'll post again, hopefully later today, when I'm actually done with the full rough draft and can give an actual word count. It's going to be a busy summer, as Malaya helps me try to get this thing published and I scurry to rewrite and streamline the 500k+ words of chapters 2-6. Labels: the fantasy novel, writing Posted by: Flux # 6:29 AM Comments: I like it. Great to hear that you're making progress towards a final draft! Best of luck on the polishing and the publishing. #: 11:14 AM posted by Anonymous Nice little exchange, but I think you should tone down the wordiness (sp?) in the beginning... the first three lines just seem like you're trying too hard (esp. the "her lips had betrayed her" part). #: 11:30 AM posted by Anonymous I should probably explain, re: comment #2, that the the bells and light aren't some sort of metaphorical "she understood now" device. Though I can see why a reader might think that, out of context. Those are physical realities the character is experiencing, brought on by the use of a magical transportation device. She's just having this realization as she moves through it. #: 2:36 PM posted by Flux re comment #3, you're right, taken out of context it is little difficult to judge. Therefore, I demand you release more material ;) However, the bells and lights part was alright, it was the "her lips had betrayed her" part. Another reason why I didn't like that particular sentence was because of the 3 "her" that are so close together. #: 8:54 AM posted by Anonymous Post a Comment << Home Archives May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2012

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