I've been known to post despairing/disparaging items about cashiers and customer service in the past, and while I try to be understanding, sometimes it's just too funny. Cashiers can't really help it; they're simply not too bright, which is why they're cashiers instead of people with more important, influential jobs. Like aspiring fantasy novelists.
Today's drama unfolded at The Sports Authority. A sporting goods store with a pretentious name they really don't come anywhere near living up to. I went in to pick up a pair of dumbbells, since I haven't been getting to the gym very much lately, and I've long wanted some weights to lift at home, in my idle moments. They had a plentiful selection, and at $.59 a pound they were relatively affordable. I planned on buying my weights at Play It Again Sports, but like most things in that allegedly discount, used sporting goods store, the weights cost more than they do new in a real sporting goods store. Play It Again Sports' pricing policy is just one of those mysteries, like the $6 popcorn they sell at movies, that I will never understand.
Anyway, I browsed the shoes and clothing for a bit, before selecting a pair of 30 pound (13kg) dumbbells and carrying them up to the front. There wasn't much of a line, but I wasn't straining; I can do a fair number of reps with that weight, and just holding them wasn't a problem. Still, I was a little bit gratified when the counter groaned as I eased them down. The cashier was looking right at me when I put them there, and after making me
weight wait a moment while she answered the ringing phone just long enough to put the caller on hold, she rung up my dumbbells, took my money, gave me change and then started to get a big bag out for the weights.
Now let's be realistic; there's no way a cheap plastic bag designed to hold shoeboxes and t-shirts is going to be strong enough to hold together under 30 pounds of weight. Much less 60, if she put them both in the same bag. And she'd have had to, since when you think about it, what's the point in putting each one in their own bag? How would that help me carry them any more easily than leaving them out and separate?
I said, "There's no way that bag will hold the weight." and she looked at me, bovinely, and continued unfolding the bag. So I just stood there and watched as she flapped it open, put it on the counter, and then tried to pick up one of the weights with her right arm.
"Hwhoof." she grunted. Yes, it was definitely a grunt, a beautifully-exhaled one too. I bit back a giggle, and snorted a bit when she tried again, this time using a "Urrrhh." to lift one dumbbell approximately one inch up off of the counter. She put it down and looked at it the same way Jinxie looks at the wall when I shine the laser pointer at it, and at that point I couldn't take any more and pocketed my receipt, picked up the weights, and toted them out of the store.
Laughing while I walked through the rain to my car, I tried to figure out what had been going through her head. As best I could tell, she'd never mentally processed what I was buying, and the fact that it was heavy. So my remark about the bag not holding it hadn't registered, and right up until the point that she actually lifted the dumbbell, she had no idea what it was, or that it weighed more than a Twinkie. That first grunt must have been as much from surprise as from the weight, and it wasn't until the second try that her mental hamsters spit out their alfalfa pellets and started running fast enough for her to process the data she was receiving from her various sensory apparatus.
It would have been interesting to see what would have happened if I'd given her another minute or two. Would she have just asked me to carry them out? Struggled more to stick them in a bag without realizing the futility of that gesture? Stood there helplessly while waiting for her mental computer to reboot? Called for carryout assistance? I'll never know, but I'll always cherish the memory of her first surprised, "Hwhoof?" I'll just try not to cherish it too much while I'm actually lifting the weights myself, since when I got home and did some curls I started thinking about the incident, laughed, and nearly dropped the weights on my bare feet.
Labels: fitness, shopping
