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BlackChampagne -- no longer new; improvement also in question.: TV Promos and the End of Civilization as We Know It



Friday, June 08, 2007  

TV Promos and the End of Civilization as We Know It


I watched most of Game One of what's likely to be the four-game NBA finals tonight, and it pretty much went as expected. My main surprise was the San Antonio didn't win by 20, and they would have if not for their shooting. I've seen a lot of San Antonio games in recent years, and I've never seen them miss so many wide open 14-18 footers. Cleveland was giving those up all night as they sagged into the paint on defense, but SA kept clanging them. In the second half SA stopped settling for those shots and started driving and making layups, and with LeBron laying a fat egg for the game it was a routine, unexciting ten point win. Going into the series I figured SA would sweep, and I saw nothing to change my mind in game one. Unless SA gets bored and lets up some intensity on the road, or LeBron throws up a few 35/12/9 type games, Cleveland will be lucky to win a half, much less a whole game. They're just not very good.

I wouldn't blog about the game though, since it was, as I said, both boring and predictable. I only made it through with the sound off and a bunch of pages to edit in the HGL wiki on the computer. The thing I found most remarkable about the telecast was the tsunami-like avalanche of a landslide of crappy commercials for new ABC programs. I guess this is summer replacement season, when the popular series end their run for the year and filler crap comes on. I have no idea if ABC's offerings are especially bad, since this was about the first network TV I'd watched since the Super Bowl, but they were certainly awful. Not just bad, but actively insulting and outright embarrassing to American culture. ABC's entire summer lineup seems to be a cavalcade of laughing, jumping, overly-excited, corpulent white people. Remember dignity? Shame?

The crown jewel looks to be some kind of bingo-themed game show, with a huge, hamster ball-like bingo machine as the centerpiece. I'm guessing the target audience for a TV show where the attraction is a chance to watch complete strangers engage in a form of zero-skill gambling isn't exactly Mensa-esque, but Christ the promos are dreadful. Overflowing with hyperactive idiots, content free, and basically on a level I'd think 3 or 4 year olds would enjoy. Lots of bright colors and motion, and not a second of thought required.

The official ABC page is here, and on it you can watch their main promo movie, as well as a spine-tingling 90 second demonstration of how the game of bingo is played. The main promo is bad, but the ones that were really awful were the 15 second bumpers (which I do not see online) they played coming out of seemingly every commercial break during the basketball game. Those were short features showing individual lunatic contestants leaping around as though electrocuted, and it had a very "first weeks of American Idol" feel to it, with the parade of ugly, delusional, talentless losers humiliating themselves for our amusement. Needless to say, those are the only episodes of American Idol I've ever watched, since Malaya enjoyed them and got me into it once or twice. Once they whittle out the pretenders and get to the actual "talent" portion of the show, I'm long, long gone.

As for the bingo show, ugh. And worst of all, it looked like about the most entertaining show ABC had coming up this summer. The rest were even worse, with wacky lunatic inventors trying to show why their automated shoe folding system was the best, or C-list celebs learning to drive NASCAR, or new flavors of reality shows where the goal is to make the biggest spectacle of yourself, thereby guaranteeing additional camera time. If you took 10 minutes of ABC summer show promos, burned them to CDs, and dropped over the Middle East as Al Queda recruiting videos, I'd lay even money on the Statue of Liberty and Empire State building being engulfed in flames by August 1st.

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Comments:

Reality TV shows have gone the way of CGI rendered movies; the first handful were new and entertaining (Survivor) but the rest of them, ripoffs of ripoffs of ripoffs, are mostly garbage. Okay, I think The Real World was technically first, but that show blew chunks from the beginning anyway, so it doesn't count.

I can't stand the oxymoron of reality television, mostly since every participant is asked to complete ridiculously unrealistic tasks in even shorter amounts of time, usually as a sort of "test of will," or the contestant's adapting ability. Wait, did I just say contestant? Reality TV has become the new game show, except instead of Jeopardy where scholarly knowledge and accuracy win the big bucks, its a question of idiocy, sillyness, or just plain luck.

As far as your comments on dignity and shame, I must say I do respect those talented individuals who turn making an ass out of themselves (actors, comedians, radio personalities, har har) into a day job, and some people do that quite well. But most of those people know when to keep their mouths shut and retain their dignity; there's a definite time and a place for random asshattery. Like in front of a circus tent full of fans, not while attending a respected figure's funeral. (Unless that type of humor is your job, but that's another bag of worms...)


 

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