It's autumn (sort of) and once again the NFL seasons is upon us. And by "us" I mean United States citizens, since no one else on earth gives a shit about our misnomered, heavily-padded, overly-regulated version of rugby.
As has been the case for most of my adult life, I've been looking forward to football season, but not enough to actually read previews or pay attention to off season trades or free agent signings. As a result I have no more than the foggiest notion of which teams have improved and which have regressed, but that's not all bad since it makes the actual games more suspenseful.
So far it's just preseason, and I think this is the second week of the five week preseason, but I wouldn't swear to that. I wasn't actually aware it had begun until I saw part of SportsCenter on Saturday and they showed NFL highlights. I then checked the listings and saw that there were games on TV Sunday and Monday night, and through the miracle of a semi-functional VCR, and the fact that I am way too impatient/blessed with better things to do to sit through a 3.5 hour live sporting event, I was able to watch both games in about an hour each.
It's a good thing it is preseason, since I was unprepared. I hadn't used the VCR since like, January, so it took me some experimentation to discover how to actually set it to record, and I was so distracted by that that I choked on the timing. Inexcusably, I forgot that the first 8-10 minutes of any NFL telecast are bullshit pregame crap filled partially by personality pieces on whichever player most recently suffered a personal tragedy, and mostly by the first volley of commercials for unnecessary pharmaceuticals and large-wheeled vehicles with the sort of fuel efficiency that makes Osama bin Laden giggle in his cave. On top of my starting time error, I was rusty with the fast forward, and quite often stopped too soon, forcing myself to listen to several seconds of inane announcer chatter before each play, or worse, I ran over and saw the play in high speed, then had to hear a few seconds of inane announcer chatter before I was able to click the FF button again to zip on to the next play. It was a humbling experience, but well illustrated the critical need for preseason games for both players and fans.
I was able to successfully FF through all commercials, but the tape doesn't run so quickly that I couldn't tell what they were for, and honestly, it's a little embarrassing to be a football fan. The target audience of the games is clearly demonstrated by the ad purchases, and by all evidence, preseason games are viewed by me and several million middle aged men with circulatory and penis issues. If the commercials weren't for symbolic penile substitutes; pick up trucks with the most size and power in their class; they were for actual penile substitutes; Viagra and Cialis, and topping those off were a steady stream of ads for junk food and beer. I felt kind of like I'd been Amazon'ed; as if I'd searched for a few books to get more information on them, and then found my recommended titles were all about bestiality, or crocheting, or by Ann Coulter, or something equally-shameful.
It can be disconcerting to realize the depths of the water you've swum (or waded) into, while watching a program. Flicking channels you will sometimes find yourself enjoying a movie or TV show, and then come the next commercial break you realize every ad is for something that would appeal a harried housewife, or a four year old. It's enough to make you question your viewing choices, or start to invent excuses in your head; "This show is fine; it must be something different than this channel usually programs, and that's why the ads are all for tampons and floor waxes."
Sure it is, Tiger. Sure it is...
Labels: football, tv
