One of my neighbors in my apartment complex has a new tiny little doggie. It's relatively cute, as such things go, but it's very skittish and scaredy and (naturally) yappy. It's a hybrid dog, one of those labradoodle-like combinations, but one with a far less cutely combinable name. It's a Shi-tzu, Pomeranian mix. Yep. Just try to blend that one. Pomer-tzu? Shiteranian? Tragic.
This morning, whilest out tending to my fading patio garden, I saw an old lady walking along the sidewalk, with a couple of little dogs of her own. I don't know what kind. I don't care what kind. They were under 10 pounds, and therefore entirely lacking in function or dignity. She paused on the sidewalk, and looking up at my neighbor's back patio (which was around the corner from where I could see), said, apparently to her dogs, "Oh look at him. What a cutie!"
Her dogs naturally looked nowhere and at nothing, since they had each other's asses to sniff. But apparently the Shiteranian was out on the back patio, and it must have looked down at her, since it started yarping, and that drew the attention of her dogs, which looked up and started bapping, and for about 30 seconds there it was a veritable rat dog symphony.
I'm not much of a dog fan, under any circumstances, but what I would have given right then for a 4th dog to appear, one that weighed more than a new born human, and one equipped with a real bark. One powerful "woof!" would have reduced those those three noisy, pet-like objects to trembling puff balls, and restored a proper equilibrium to the universe.
Alas, no such rescuing Lassie appeared, and I had to do my best to ignore the ongoing dogerwauling until the old lady dragged her hyperactive, bewigged rodents out of visual range. Worst of all, the whole incident reminded me of the
utterly surreal teaser for that abomination of a talking dog movie. I saw Wall-e with Malaya a few weeks ago, and as is always the case when viewing a Pixar movie in theaters, the trailers were a uniquely-horrifying ordeal. Those literally function as birth control; I can't imagine any couple sitting through 15 minutes of previews for things like Chimps in Space, Bolt, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Madagasgar 2, and not thinking, "Maybe we could wait another year or two before bringing something into our home that would keep the DVD player constantly humming with such fare." Sadly, no such disinclination seems to give potential rat dog owners pause, and they (the owners and their odious livestock) are therefore spreading like a particularly unpleasant, noisy, furry plague.
Like most other ills in modern America, this can probably be blamed on celebrity culture. The masses see semi-fictional characters like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears toting around
their overbred, mutated canine-like accessories, and thus a viral meme takes root.
The official site for the chihuahua movie (click this at your own risk; it's psychedelically-horrifying) has an appropriate disclaimer along the bottom of the page.
Owning a pet is a major responsibility. Dogs require daily care and constant attention. Before bringing a dog into your family, research the specific breed to make sure it is suitable for your particular situation. Learn about and be willing to undertake the serious responsibilities of dog care. Always consider adoption from a reputable shelter or rescue program.
What would you give to see that tattooed across Paris Hilton's forehead?
Labels: celebs, movies, pets
