I'm still sporadically pursuing female attention via online dating, and while I'm not blogging about it, that doesn't mean I'm not encountering blog material. I think I'll have to write a book about this someday, or at least work a bunch of semi-fictionalized tales into a novel, since there's just too much weird and amusing and drama-rich material.
I've had no luck (in terms of getting replies) when I send short, generic emails to women whose profiles I fancy. Besides, for me it's harder to send a short email than a long one. So what I do lately is send the intriguing women an email (which goes anonymously through the service) with an boilerplate opening paragraph, and then 2 or 3 paragraphs about things I liked in their profile. This lets them know it's actually a mail to them, not just one I cut and paste to every woman I see, and it keeps my interest writing it. Thus far, I've gotten 3 types or replies. Complete silence, a very short "no thanks", or enthusiastic acceptance. The majority are the first type, of course. From what I've read, the hit rate is like 5% for men seeking women via online dating services. Most of the ones with pictures to browse (that does not include eharmony.com, which is picture free and all about computer algorithm matching like an arranged marriage) have far more men than women. And since I'm not lying about my profession or grossly inflating my income, I've got a bit of an uphill struggle to start with.
Initially I did a bunch of searches and favorited a bunch of women, and then spent hours one weekend sorting through them all, ranking them on various criteria, giving them overall grades, prioritizing which ones I wanted to mail first, etc. That didn't work very well since I'd spend hours at it one day and mail a dozen women, then get exhausted or discouraged with the whole thing and not return to it for a week. Or three. So now I'm being much less selective/obsessive, and devoting an hour a day to it, during which time I mail 2 or 3 women, as I steadily work through my favorites list.
Thus far the favorites are winning, since it's easy to add a dozen more women in 5 minutes of searching, and while I don't search that much, my backlog of favorites increases much more quickly than I can send out emails. I don't mail them all; I favorite every woman who looks and sounds somewhat interesting, and then a week or a month later when I return to her profile I read it much more carefully and decide if I really want to try to contact her. I delete at least half of them without trying to make contact, even though I'm trying to be less picky. From the women I've met thus far, I've concluded that you really can't tell that much about a person just from a few paragraphs, a list of their favorite things, and some photos. You gotta at least talk to them on the phone, if not meet them, to determine if you'll have any chemistry or attraction in real life.
I've not gone there yet, but I am occasionally tempted to lie about my income and/or career, like 75% of the other guys do. I had no idea there were so many single lawyers and professionals making $100,000-$150,000 a year who were looking for love online! Amazing they can't meet a nice girl in person, what with their good looks, muscular physiques, high incomes, and honest, forthright character. *cough* (Sure, that approach would just delay the rejection from the initial email to the second date, but hey... dates!)
But I digress, since I had a quick, funny story to tell. So:
One of the two women I mailed on Thursday replied to me on Saturday morning. Here's her reply to my instigating email:
Thanks for the thoughtful and well-written email, Greg!
Unfortunately I'm already dating someone.
Best,
Connie
Nice of her to at least bother to reply; the vast majority of people do not (including me; I've ignored most of the women who have emailed or winked at me, since most of them weren't attractive or interesting to me) and your message in a bottle floats out into endless silence. Except that you can look to see who has viewed your profile, and that lets me know that the women I mailed checked me out, in almost every case. They just weren't interested enough to reply. Lawyer. $100,000+. I'm telling you...
Ordinarily I'd have said nothing to Connie here, since as I said, just by sending a quick "no thanks" she put herself well above most, in manners and consideration. Unfortunately (for her?) I received her reply just as I was going to bed, after staying up an hour later than I should have, after a long night of work, in order to fulfill my two-a-day email quota. I wouldn't have replied with anything if she'd just said no, but her saying that she was dating someone annoyed me. Her profile said nothing about that, and gave every impression that she was single and available. I mailed her though a fricking singles dating site, for Xmas' sake!
Plus, she called me "Greg." I don't have anything against that name, but I signed my email with my actual first name, and she forgot it in the time it took to click reply and type those dozen words? True, "Eric" has an "E" and an "R", as does "Greg," albeit in a different order, but come on...
So I was a little annoyed, and that made me a little snarky.
Thanks for the reply and good luck with your relationship and your short term name memory issues. You might consider removing or amending your profile now that you're off the market, so future potential suitors don't waste their time as I did? Unless you're just keeping open the possibility of an upgrade...
Eric
Was that wrong? Mean? Probably, but it made me laugh when I wrote it, and sent me off to bed in a better mood. (Which didn't last long, since Jinx was all hyperactive and attacking Kyo and making noise to the point that I had to toss her (Jinx) out of the bedroom so I could go to sleep. Yes, I have a new/second cat. Much overdue post on that to come...)
Connie replied to my snark, but I didn't read it. Not even a peek. I deleted it unopened, since I didn't want her wounded complaint or angry rebuttal to bring me down or complicate things. I got in the last word, it was a funny word, and we all lived happily ever after. (Except for the part about me not having a girlfriend, and staying up too late getting bitchy as I email women through an online dating site.)
Labels: online dating
